The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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