i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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