Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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