Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
