the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
