so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
