I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
