No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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