i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.