I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!