You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.