I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!