Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I can text with my tongue
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?