i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.