If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
