i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
