So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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