the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
