Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
