No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
