My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
