Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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