His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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