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• (432): View more from Texas

  I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there

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• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (561): View more from Florida

  But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb

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• (626): View more from California

  I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves

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