Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year