well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love