I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.