so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER