Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
