don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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