I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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