Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
