I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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