I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
