she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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