the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
