I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
