I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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