like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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