Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
