that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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