So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dignity is for republicans.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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