how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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