I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
