I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
