Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
