i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
