I didn't shave. On purpose
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
