Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
