We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
