Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
