found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found your dick twin last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
