You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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