just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
