i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
