We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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