this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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