I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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