We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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