She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
