I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
