if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
