Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us