So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.