The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY