Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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