Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways