I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
