I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
