every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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