just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
