i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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