So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
