Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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