I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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