The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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