So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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