why im i the only drunk person in the library?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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