well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
