Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just had sex bonerless
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
