good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
